A Wonderful Flag-Less World
by CrimesOfADeadpool
Summary: A series of short fluffy fics based off the song "A Wonderful Flag-Less World" (A world where there is only ever happy endings) /Alternatively:/ A look into the danger-filled lives of Spider-man and Deadpool (SpideyPool - Spiderman/Deadpool)
1. When this war is over

**A/N: So, one of my favourite Japanese Vocaloid Producers Utata-P released a new song called "A Wonderful Flag-Less World" in which basically every story has a happy ending, and it's pretty funny. Anyway, I was listening to it, and I couldn't help but want to write a bunch of SpideyPool fics about it. I mean, I can see Deadpool doing all this stuff, the bastard.  
So I'll do each 'story' (there's nine of them, but they're only two lines each so…), yeah I'll put the two lines in bold italics, one at the start, one at the end. Because I'd hate to give away the punchline before the ending. :P  
I got the lyrics from descentsubs youtube page, - watch?v=kf9d8fbEKd8, which has all the details, and you guys should give it a listen.  
So yeah, enjoy!**

_**"When this war is over, I'm going to marry her!" is what he said…**_

'I'm going to ask him out.'  
[We're in a battle]  
'I know. Afterwards.'  
[We're in Canada.]  
'I know. I'll catch a plane.'  
[We're missing an arm.]  
'I kn-seriously?' Deadpool cast a worried look at his arm, and then looked around, trying to locate his arm while he fought off the next wave of unoriginal and unidentifiable henchmen. 'When did that happen?'  
His yellow box sighed. [Does it even matter?]  
'No, I just like to keep track of these things.' He perked up. 'There it is!' He jumped over one of the men and picked it up.  
"Batter's up!" he called and used his arm to knock over one of his enemies, and (as per usual with the grunts) the man collapsed and didn't move. "Who's next?" he crowed, delighted with his familiar toy.  
The men all gave each other nervous looks. "Aw, guys," Deadpool smirked. "Don't worry," he waved his arm at them, "I'll go easy on you."  
The men's expressions darkened at that, and they leapt toward him.

Deadpool scratched at his arm idly. He'd been able to reattach it in time, luckily. Growing new limbs was a bitch.  
"Drink sir?" asked the airline hostess. Deadpool looked over the selection and frowned to himself. She smiled politely back, though he could see her confusion at the man who was completely covered, head to toe, not an inch of skin showing, despite being half an hour into the flight.  
'Beer?' he asked the yellow box, which he had decided to completely trust in this new endeavour of theirs.  
[Yes, turning up drunk on his door is the best way for someone to ask another person out]  
Deadpool pouted. "Coke please."

Deadpool caught his reflection on the glass panes lining the window of the airport. He fixed his hoodie idly.  
'Looking good.'  
The yellow box was silent.

Deadpool was bored. 'Where is he?!' he complained.  
[Perhaps he's not coming]  
'But this is his house.'  
[He could have moved out]  
'And left his stuff?' Deadpool ducked under the bed and picked up a magazine. 'Left his porn?!'  
[It is a conundrum]  
It was a conundrum. Deadpool had been waiting patiently for three days for the lovely Spiderman to return. Three. Th-ree. 3. He needed to kill someone.  
He had been so good. He'd been more patient than he'd even been.  
He was going crazy.  
'Okay, we need intel.'  
Suddenly, the screech of metal filled the air.  
[That sounds like a good place to start]

'Hey look it's Doc Ock.' Deadpool thought to himself as he jumped between the buildings to watch the unfolding drama.  
Fantastic Four vs Doctor Octopus. Something was wrong with this picture.  
'Isn't Ock one of Spidey's villians?' He suddenly felt his first streak of worry. If they were here…where was Spidey?  
He jumped again, landing on a fire escape and made his way across to where Mr Fantastic's head was (having stretched himself in all manner of ways).  
"Hey Fantastic!" Deadpool called.  
The head turned to him in surprise, than annoyance. "Deadpool. What is it? We're kind of busy at the moment."  
"Yeah, that's cool…um, where's Spidey though? You know, about yea high, red and blue, got a weird thing about spiders. Bit sassy."  
Mr Fantastic blinked at him. "You don't know?"  
"I've been out of town." The worry in his stomach twisted.  
"He's with the Avengers."  
Deadpool resisted the urge to sigh aloud.  
"Doctor Strange asked them to help on a mission in the astral planes."  
"Oh." He paused. "When will they be back?"  
"A few months, that's why we're tak-"  
"Months?!"  
"If they come back at all," Fantastic replied, still annoyed. "There's a war going on, apparently. Which is why, as I was saying, we're looking after New York. If you could help-"  
But Deadpool had already vanished.

[It isn't that long.]  
'I'm already going insane from three days. I won't last months. I need to ask him out.'  
[You were already insane]  
'More insane then.'  
His yellow box disappeared as Deadpool threw himself down onto Peter's bed.  
"He'll be alright, right?" he asked the empty room.  
There was no reply.

Deadpool had, with difficulty, managed to put Spiderman out of his mind. It had been two months. He had decided (with mild prompting from the yellow box) that moping around Spidey's room was not the most productive use of his time (even if it did relieve a bit of the stress).  
He had taken a few jobs, and had even helped the Fantastic Four take care of New York – because there needed to be a New York for Peter to return to.  
So he'd done his best. Hell, he'd even checked in on Aunt May a few times. He was on his best behaviour, because, as the yellow box delighted in telling him, he needed to get on Peter's good side, if he wanted Peter to go out with him.  
Of course, no one gave Spidey that memo.  
The disappearance of Wade's would-be-lover annoyed him endlessly, and he couldn't shake the fear that something was going to happen to him.  
He wasn't used to feeling fear, so apparently his brain had decided to torture him with an exaggerated version of it, complete with nightmares and hallucinations.  
If Peter died, Wade would resurrect him and kill him all over again.  
He'd managed to get a few more details from Reed Richards, but nothing reassuring.  
Something about nightmares, and undead creatures.  
Deadpool wasn't used to this at all. But he'd wait, because he needed his answer. He'd made up his mind. He was going to ask out Peter Benjamin Parker, even if it killed him.

Wade knocked on the door, humming to himself. He had had a good night sleep for once. He juggled two shopping bags.  
"Come in," called May. This was part of his 'getting on Spidey's good side' plan, doing the shopping for her.  
Deadpool balanced the bags and opened the door. He stumbled through the house to the kitchen, placing the bags on the counter, and grinning up at May.  
… and Peter.  
"Wade?!" Peter exclaimed.  
"Peter!" Wade replied, just as shocked. "You're back."  
"You're in my house!"  
May hit him on the arm, scoldingly. "Wade has been looking after me while you've been gone." She shot him a look. "Though I am quite capable by myself."  
Wade shot her a winning smile, then looked nervously at Spidey. He wouldn't kick him out, right? He was being a good guy.  
Peter just sighed and sat down at the table. May patted his head absently, then left the room.  
There was a silence.  
"Um…" Wade began. "So…is the fighting over?"  
Peter sighed again. "Yeah. For now."  
Wade grinned and crossed the room to take the seat next to him. "Great! Let's celebrate. Dinner?"  
He felt the breath go out of him. He'd planned how this would go for so long, but it had normally involved a more romantic setting, like his bedroom, or an alleyway. And a lot more rambling. He had moved too fast, he was supposed to do a speech, or-  
"Sure," Peter said, then looked surprised at himself. He shrugged. "But next week. I'm exhausted."  
Wade jumped up. "Okay! Yes! Rest! I'll be back! Next week!" He wasn't quite sure why he was shouting, but couldn't stop himself. He backed out of the room. "See you Petey."  
He swore he heard a tired chuckle follow him out.

_**…and when he came back, they married without incident…**_

**A/n: Yeah, so that's my first attempt. I don't know, I'll probably do it better in the later ones, but this one was fun to write. Thanks for reading. :)**


	2. Leave this to me and go!

**"Leave this to me and go! I'll be right behind you!" he shouted…**

Peter landed in the alley lightly. "Hello?" he asked cautiously. Something skittered in the dark.  
"Wade?" he called again, softly.  
There was a chuckle. "Hello Petey," Deadpool sang, and Peter turned to glare at him. "Did I scare you?"  
"Sure." Peter said, annoyed. "Is there a reason we're meeting in a dark alley instead of somewhere normal like a park…or a battlefield?"  
"All the better to scare you with my dear," he gave an evil laugh and Peter rolled his eyes.  
"Terrifying," Peter commented.  
Wade stepped toward him and embraced him. "Don't worry Spidey, I'm here to protect you."  
Peter sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, now I feel safe." He felt something digging into his skin. "Is that a gun…" he tried to stop himself, cursing his lack of thought because of course-  
"No, I'm just happy to see you."  
Peter groaned and pushed him away. "Ow." He rubbed his hip absently. "Ow."  
Deadpool gave him a look of complete adoration. Spiderman still wasn't sure how Deadpool managed to look so hopelessly puppy like with his face completely covered. Spidey crossed his arms. "So was there a reason for this little get together? Besides the sex jokes, of course."  
Deadpool pouted, once again defying the physics of a mask. "I missed you."  
"Missing me doesn't require alleyways." He looked down. "Or us both in costume."  
Deadpool reached over to him, grabbing Spidey's hips and pulling him close. "But certain fantasies can only be enacted in back alleyways in pretty red suits." He made a move to push Peter against the building's wall, but Peter sidestepped him and jumped back, crouching on the building instead with an annoyed look.  
It was Deadpool's turn to cross his arms. "Ah, so the Spider retreats into the darkness." He tutted. "No fair."  
"Don't attack me then."  
"It was a love attack."  
"It was a …what? No, don't answer that," Spidey replied, as Deadpool looked like he was going to explain.  
Deadpool pouted again. Spidey sighed and dropped to the ground.  
"So you called me here for sex?"  
"What else?"  
Peter sat down. "You're a real romantic Wade."  
The man grinned and closed the distance between them, lying down and resting his head on Peter's lap. "I know. They call me the Love Guru."  
"Who does?"  
"They do."  
"That's not an answer Wade."  
"Answer: a thing that is said, written, or done as a reaction to a question, statement, or situation. So reads google when you type in define:answers."  
"Why have you got that memorised?"  
"You'd be surprised how many people challenge me about my answers. Shooting me isn't an answer! Stripping isn't an answer! Screaming isn't an answer! I don't even know what you're doing right now, but that most certainly isn't an answer." He scoffed. "People."  
Peter laughed and rested his head against the building, looking up at the sky. "It is nice here."  
Deadpool nodded lazily. "Only the best alleys for you, Spiderman."  
"What a touching scene," a voice drawled.  
Deadpool sat up quickly, and Spiderman's head jerked towards the source of the sound.  
"Who dares interrupt our bonding experience?" Deadpool demanded.  
"It is I," replied the voice, and out stepped a man, clad in black and leather, half of his face melted. "Balthazar." He leered at them. "I'm here for my revenge Deadpool."  
Deadpool frowned. "Who?"  
The man did a double take. "What?!"  
"Haven't heard of you. Sorry."  
The man stuttered and searched for words. Finally he pointed to his face. "You burnt my face off!"  
Deadpool shrugged. "I do that to a lot of guys."  
The man seemed shocked. Spidey stayed silent, and felt a bit sorry for the guy. You go to all the trouble of organising some sort of revenge, probably spend every waking moment thinking about it, and your nemesis doesn't even remember you.  
That was Deadpool though. Guy should have done his research.  
The man tried to pull himself back together. "Regardless," he cried. "I will have my revenge."  
Deadpool looked at him. "I'm busy. Work hours are nine to five every weekday." He lay back down and rested a hand over his eyes. "If you want to book an appointment, I left my number on the men's restroom in McDonalds." He gestured with his free hand. "The one that way." Then he gestured the other way. "And the one that way." He paused. "Actually any McDonalds within a ten mile radius. Mine's the one in lipstick."  
Balthazar's eyes blazed. "You dare."  
Deadpool sighed and sat up again. "Fine. Ten minutes. Let's get this over with."  
The man snarled. He jumped forward, and Deadpool leapt up, kicking the man in the chest. The man fell against the wall and grinned evilly, jumping to his feet.  
Deadpool pulled himself into a fighting pose. "Ready when you are."  
Balthazar grinned, and gestured to Deadpool's leg, where there was a small electronic device attached. "Already done."  
Deadpool blinked at it. He reached down and pulled at it, but his hand stuck to it as well. He pulled at it. "Not good," he murmured. The device began beeping. "Not good at all." He said, trying to stand up and ending up balancing on one leg.  
"Attaches itself to heat, I'm afraid." Balthazar explained.  
Deadpool scowled and pulled again. The device disconnected from his leg, but stayed attached to his hand. Wade shook his hand, but it stayed fast.  
The man gave him a mock salute. "See you in hell." Then he turned and ran up the building, disappearing over its edge.  
"Oh, now I remember him," Deadpool commented.  
"Wade?" Peter asked worried. His spidey-sense was overwhelming, having kicked in the moment the device had been revealed. He put a hand to his head, trying to make it stop.  
Wade took off his mask and handed it to him. Then he rolled up Spidey's mask, and kissed him, making sure that the explosive didn't touch his lover. Then he pulled away, and saluted as well.  
"I'll see you in… Well I'll watch you from hell." Then he too jumped up the building, following Balthazar. "Stay where you are, I'll be right back!" he called.  
Spiderman tried to follow him, but his spidey-sense was going off – so bad he could barely stand. He rested against the wall. "Wade."

There was silence.  
Nothing moved, but his spidey-sense didn't stop. He groaned. He needed help. He needed to call someone. He needed…He fell to the ground. What was going on? This didn't usually happen. He groaned again. "Wade…"  
Suddenly, there was an explosion.

"WADE!" Spiderman shouted, jumping to his feet, the pain suddenly gone. He scaled the wall quickly and tried to locate where they had gone. He saw smoke and followed it, leaping as quickly as he could toward the center.  
"Wade?!" he called again, as he landed back on the ground. He was in an empty playground. At least what looked like an empty playground, before it had been blown up. He looked around.  
"Wade," he repeated fearfully. There was the sound of sirens in the distance. It was past midnight, so there wasn't anyone around. "Wade!" He ran forward, searching for a piece of his lover. There was nothing. He made a pained noise. No body part, nothing. The trees and grass around the site had disintegrated. He made a noise. There was only ash. Could Wade come back from ash? How much did he need to resurrect himself?  
Spiderman fell to his knees, trying to fight rising tears.  
"Oh Peter, I didn't know you cared," came a voice from behind him.  
"Wade?" he said, jumping to his feet and running to the man. "But…" even with his healing factor, he couldn't have healed that fast.  
Deadpool grinned. "Attaches to heat remember?" He nodded to the ash. "Balthazar gave off heat." Spidey's eyes widened. "So that's…"  
"One free cremation, yep."  
"Oh."  
Deadpool grinned and pulled him close. "I said I'd be back," he said teasingly. "Look I even made sure no civilians got hurt."  
Spidey laughed shakily and leant into their embrace. "Bastard." He said.  
"Do I get sex then? Great kinky I'm-glad-you're-alive sex?"  
Peter rolled his eyes. "Maybe next time."

**…and then he was back after five minutes. He caught up to everyone with no problem…**


	3. If I rest a bit, I'll be fine

**"If I rest a bit I'll be fine, I just need a little sleep that's all," he said…**

Peter woke up to the sound of scratching at his bedroom window. He ignored it.  
The scratching continued. He sighed and pulled a pillow over his head. He just wanted to sleep. It was one of the few days where he could actually sleep – when the world wasn't in danger, and neither was his 'real' life. He could just sleep. Of course, that was the plan.  
The tapping increased in urgency, and Peter groaned louder. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut-  
There was a smash, and Peter jolted awake.  
He eyed his window, where there was now a hole, and a hand clad in red reaching through.  
"What the hell?"  
A face appeared by the window. "Sorry Petey," Wade said in an oddly repentant tone. "I did knock."  
"The door. You're supposed to knock on the door."  
Wade reached down and undid the latch of the window, opening it. Then he proceeded to fall into Spidey's apartment, with a lack of grace that was strange even for him, and after his body had hit the ground he made no further movement.  
"…Wade?" Peter asked, worriedly. He looked… like hell. More so than usual. How he managed to get himself up to the window….  
Peter suddenly felt like a bad boyfriend. He stood up and crossed to where Deadpool lay.  
Deadpool opened one eye lazily. "I didn't think…you'd want your neighbours seeing me like this." He closed the eye again, and that's when Peter really began to panic. If Deadpool was beginning to make sense… to act normal…  
"What do you need me to do?"  
"'s fine. I'll…sleep it off."  
"Wade."  
"Petey." Deadpool mimicked him, but his voice was far too weak for Peter to feel anything but fear.  
"I'll call someone!" Peter jumped over to his bedside and picked up his mobile. Thank god Wolverine had given him his number. He dialled it quickly.  
"What's up?" Logan answered immediately.  
"Ah, Wolverine, it's Deadpool…"  
There was a grunt. "What about him?"  
"He's here and…"  
"Just hit him over the head."  
"No, it's not that! He's…not healing properly."  
Wolverine waited.  
"He just turned up," Petey continued desperately. "But there's a hole in his chest and he's beginning to make sense and-"  
"Calm down kid." Logan finally interjected. "What happened?"  
Peter crouched down next to Deadpool and relayed the question.  
Deadpool shrugged weakly.  
"Why aren't you healing properly?" he tried again.  
"Chemical…agent…" Wade murmured. "Sleep…"  
Peter told Logan what he said. Logan paused before replying.  
"Peter, Wilson won't die. It could take a while, but he'll recover."  
"How do you-"  
Wolverine had already hung up.  
"Sleep…" Wade said again.  
Peter frowned and threw away his phone. He reached under his boyfriend and picked him up, trying not to notice all the blood leaking out of him, placing him gently into the bed.  
A part of his brain cursed how difficult the laundry was going to be. He reached over and began to strip his lover of his damaged clothes.  
Wade's eyes opened for a second. "…kinky…" he whispered.  
Peter breathed out a shaky breath. "Later," he promised.  
Wade smiled. He smiled. Not smirked, or grinned, he smiled. Peter stood up again and crossed to the bathroom, washing away the blood and trying very very hard not to throw up.  
If Wolverine said he was going to be okay, he was going to be okay, Peter tried to reassure himself. How Logan would know that, Peter had no idea. And besides, Wade was always okay. Always.  
He'd lost arms, legs, been blown up. He'd be fine.  
Peter looked at himself in the mirror and gave himself a small smile. Yes, he'd be fine.  
But when he went back into the bedroom he found it hard to believe. He looked away, trying to figure out what else he could do. He could call Tony, or Doctor Strange…but he doubted they'd know anything more.  
No there was nothing to do. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. He leant over and kissed Wade's forehead.  
He just needed to sleep, that's all.

When Peter woke up, the bed was empty. He sat up, rubbing his head. He felt wet and looked down. He was covered in blood. He gasped and threw himself off the bed. Blood….  
From Wade.  
"Wade?" He jumped lithely to his feet. "Wade?"  
Where was he, he should be here….  
His bedroom door opened to reveal a very alive, and very naked boyfriend.  
"Hey Spidey, what's up?"  
"Wade!" Peter ran over to him. "But…" He reached to touch Wade's stomach, where the wound had been. Wade flinched and stepped away.  
"I'm not… It may look healed, but it isn't." Deadpool explained quickly. He gave him a wink. "So no kinky sex till later. Sorry Peter, doctor's orders."  
"Which doctor?" he asked absently.  
"Web MD."  
Peter gave him a look. "Right." He leant over and kissed him. "I'm glad you're alright."  
Wade grinned. "You really do care, don't you?"  
Peter punched him in the shoulder. "You scared me to death!"  
Wade rubbed his arm and gave him a look of pretend hurt. "Ow Petey."  
Spidey ruffled his hair and looked over his room. "What a mess."  
Deadpool reached over and embraced his lover from behind. "Yeah. I'm trying to figure out if seeing you in my blood is erotic or disgusting."  
Peter looked down and groaned. "I need a shower."  
"Ooh! I'll watch!"  
"No." Peter replied firmly. "You'll get rid of this mess."  
Deadpool stuck out his lower lip. "Spoilsport."  
"Idiot."  
Deadpool laughed. "I'm not the one covered in blood."  
"You'll be covered in dirt when I bury you alive for this," Peter muttered.  
Wade laughed again.****

…and then he closed his eyes and woke up three hours later…


	4. If I hide here

**A/N:I swear this story series was supposed to be more equal in the POV section, but it's so enjoyable to watch Peter try and cope with Wade.  
Plus, I had to do this chapter like this with the idea I had. :)**

**_"If I hide here, there's no way he can get to me!" he said…_**

Peter could barely move. His body ached and his head was swimming. He pulled himself forward.  
Behind him, only one wall away, was the sound of the enraged creature destroying everything.  
Spiderman had managed to lead him to an empty underground car park, but now his strength was depleted.  
A new animal villain, Spidey mused, was just what he needed. He was never going to live it down. Why couldn't he have the cool villains like Loki or Doctor Doom?  
Not that he enjoyed fighting those guys… but most of his villains were either reptiles or insects. Wade seemed to get a perverse enjoyment of it all. He'd forbidden them from going to the zoo together – because he didn't want Peter to 'become arch-enemies with the lemurs' or 'piss off the pandas'. Same went with pet-shops, aquariums, petting zoos, circuses…Anywhere there were animals really. The fact that this new bad guy looked like some sort of feline crossed with an armadillo wasn't going to help with that teasing at all.  
Peter let out a shaky breath. He needed to focus. He needed help.  
He needed to get away.  
The creature, which Spidey had lovingly dubbed Arma-Kitty, (not his best work, but who cared?) growled and smashed through to his section of the underground. Peter let out an involuntary moan. Everything hurt. He could barely move.  
Sometimes being Spiderman sucked.  
The Kitty stopped and raised itself into the air. Oh no…it wasn't… smelling him out.. Of course.  
The creature obviously caught his scent, because it turned towards him and screeched.  
Peter groaned again. Why couldn't it _not _have superhuman senses?  
Just once.

The creature leapt towards him, and in the same breath Peter forced himself to jump up and shoot the creature in the face, landing on the roof. He took a deep breath, ignoring the pained noises of the Kitty, and began to crawl, upside down, heading as far away from the beast as possible. Kitty managed to pull the webbing off its face.  
Spidey fell to the floor just before a car flew through the air, hitting the roof where Spidey had been only two seconds previously.  
_Move, _Peter willed himself. _MoveMoveMove. _  
He began to crawl.  
Of course, that was when the car exploded.

Spiderman wasn't sure what had set it off, but he bet it probably had something to do with it being thrown by an armadillo cat monster.  
Everything was on fire and hot and loud and Spidey was pretty sure his insurance didn't cover half of what had been going on.  
There was another explosion. The creature seemed distracted by the fire, and began to throw other cars, which really wasn't helping with the whole fire and explosions thing.  
He needed to get away. Peter looked around wildly. He needed…  
An elevator.  
It was right there.  
He changed direction, pulling himself along the ground towards the door.  
He needed to get there. The creature was blindly thrashing around, and Peter didn't like his chances if it stumbled over his way.  
If only he wasn't so exhausted.  
He wasn't sure, but he may have blacked out slightly, because suddenly he was in front of the elevator door. Peter reached up, pulling himself up as much as he could and pressed the button before collapsing again. There was a pause, before the door opened. Spidey crawled into it.  
The last thing he saw before he passed out was the image of the screeching creature as the door shut.

"Petey," a voice sang as someone shook his shoulder. "Wake up. I'm here now."  
Peter moaned. He didn't want to wake up. "Five more minutes," he pleaded.  
The voice chuckled, and suddenly Peter was flying.  
No. He was being picked up. Peter snuggled closer to the warmth of the other man's body.  
"You've caused a lot of mess," the voice chided as they began to move. "Luckily I was here to put down that…thing. Felinedillo?"  
"ArmaKitty," Spidey corrected him.  
The voice made a noise. "Right. Now I know you're exhausted. That was pathetic Peter."  
Spidey moaned and the arms around him pulled him closer.  
"Come on Spidey, let's go home."

When Peter blinked awake, hours later in his own bedroom, he felt like crap. He groaned.  
A hunched up figure at the end of the bed looked up. "Spidey!" Wade said happily. "Welcome back."  
Peter sat up slowly and groaned again. "Wade."  
His boyfriend leant in and kissed him. "Gave us a bit of a scare," he chided.  
Peter rested his head on Wade's shoulder. "Sorry."  
Wade froze slightly. Then he wrapped his arms around Peter tightly. "Um, there there."  
Peter chuckled tiredly. "What a good boyfriend you are."  
Wade made an affronted noise. "I am. Killing that Armadillo creature, carrying you back here, changing your clothes-"  
"What?!" Peter looked down, then gave Deadpool a look. "I think that was more for your benefit right?"  
Wade nodded. "Yep."  
"Am I wearing pants?"  
"I was afraid they might hinder your healing."  
"So…no."  
"Yep." Wade said again.  
Peter was torn between laughing and sighing, so instead he pulled himself onto Wade's lap. His lover's eyes widened slightly.  
"Um, Petey…"  
Peter rested his head back on Wade's shoulder. "Hmm?" he asked innocently.  
"You're sorta…naked."  
"Mmm?"  
"On my lap."  
"Yeah."  
"Clinging to me."  
Peter kissed his neck softly and Wade moaned.  
"_Peter."_  
Spidey laughed and pulled himself off Wade, climbing back under the sheets and closing his eyes. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
"Huh- no Peter you can't….that's not fair…_Spidey_." Wade poked at his boyfriend's hip. "Peter!"  
But Peter was already asleep.

**_…so he hid himself and was quickly found by his friends…_**

**A/n: Peter's such a tease. Not a hundred percent happy with this chapter but *shrug***


	5. What was that sound?

**_"What was that sound? Wait a sec, I'll go check it out…!"_**

The group of superheros laughed together. Peter leant against the wall and took another sip of his drink.  
They had just helped save New York….again. And Tony was feeling like he wanted to party.  
Which is why the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, Spidey and Wolverine were all crammed into the top floor of the Avenger's tower with bad music playing and a selection of party foods.  
Wolverine was brooding in one of the arm chairs, while Johnny Storm and Clint Barton were playing drinking games. Mr Fantastic and the Ant-man were involved in some science conversation, and Tony was dancing around the party as an overeager host. Miss Potts, the real host, was watching everyone with a stern expression on her face – except when Tony came near and flirted. Of course, Tony was flirting with everyone – he'd even used a few lines on Peter. Steve kept shooting Tony dirty looks, which only encouraged the man.  
Spidey laughed as Clint beat Johnny once again. Of course, challenging a SHIELD spy to drinking games was a stupid idea in the first place – even Peter knew that.  
Then again, Johnny wasn't the smartest guy. He was almost as reckless as Wade. Tony caught Peter's eye and grinned at him, crossing the room and darting past his guests to stand by Peter.  
"Heya kiddo," Tony said. "Nice work today." He clinked their glasses together, then shot Spidey's drink a look. "Hey, that's not alcohol is it? I can't be arrested for allowing minors to drink. That would be a blow to my reputation."  
"Since when do you have a reputation?" Peter shot back.  
Tony shrugged. "It's a work in process."  
Peter chuckled, and asked "How's that going?"  
Tony made a sad face. "Not very well, Spiderman."  
They laughed and drank.  
Peter looked over Tony's shoulder and gestured to the guests. "If you want to help your reputation, you should probably stop that."  
"Stop wha-" He turned. "Ahh! Guys!" Tony darted off to stop Hawkeye, who had taken out his bow and was being egged on by the Human Torch to shoot a glass bottle off the television set.  
Peter looked down at his drink, trying to hide his grin. It was nice like this.  
"Enjoying yourself?"  
Peter resisted urge to jump on the ceiling. "Black Widow!"  
The woman smiled at him. "Natasha."  
"Natasha," he repeated. _How do you do that? _"Um, yeah. It's nice here. Right?" He blushed. The Russian spy always unnerved him slightly.  
Natasha grinned. "Yeah."  
There was a silence, and they watched the group. Natasha shook her head at them. "Idiots."  
Peter laughed.  
There was another silence.  
"How are you?" she asked him.  
Peter blinked at her. "Um. Good… You?"  
"I'm good too."  
"Good."  
"And your boyfriend?"  
Peter blushed deeper. "Um…yeah...yeah he's good. Great. Yep."  
"I noticed that the general well-being of New York has increased since you two started dating."  
"Um yeah…" He was pretty sure his face was on fire. "I told him not to…"  
Now he _needed _a diversion. An explosion taking out half of New York would be nice. Maybe th building could collapse.  
Natasha gave him a reassuring look. "Good work."  
"I…thanks."  
"Where is he?" she asked, scanning the crowd.  
"He's out of town."  
"Hmm." She frowned at the group. "I should go help with that." She gestured at where Tony, Clint and Johnny were getting into some sort of argument.  
Peter nodded and watched as she crossed the room to help Tony, feeling flattered, but also a bit…weird. He wasn't really doing anything to Wade - Wade was good on his own, he just needed…guidance.  
Suddenly Peter's phone vibrated. Peter looked at it.  
'What are you wearing?' the text read.  
Peter sighed in mock annoyance. Speak of the devil.  
'Not right now, Wade.'  
Wade didn't reply.  
Peter shook his head in fondness.  
"Hey Spider," Clint called, walking over to him and putting his arm over Peter's shoulders. "Go and get us some food from the kitchen, okay?"  
Peter gave him a look. "Why don't you do it?"  
Clint blinked innocently. "Because I'm drunk. What if I fall and trip? Do you want that on your conscious?"  
Peter sighed. "Fine."  
"Knew we could count on you. Get us some more chips, and dip and…just get everything. Food."  
Peter rolled his eyes and slipped out of Clint's hold. "Right."  
"Good job Peter! Don't forget the dip!"  
Peter walked across the room to the elevator, and pressed the button to go to the kitchen. The lift stopped at the right floor and Peter walked to the fridge. There was a lot of junk in there, which made sense when he thought about how Thor and Hulk both were practically permanent house guests.  
Peter began to pick out foods (and dip!), compiling a small pile on the counter, when a dark figure passed the window from the outside.  
"Sir," JARVIS said.  
Peter's head jerked up. "Yes JARVIS?"  
"There is a visitor outside the window."  
Peter looked where JARVIS had indicated.  
"_Wade?" _Peter crossed the room and opened the window. "Wha-why?"  
"I missed you. And you didn't answer my sext."  
Peter frowned at him, trying to smother the urge to hug the idiot. "I'm at a party, how did you even..?"  
"Oh, I put a tracking device in your skin while you were asleep." Wade said, entering the room.  
"What!?"  
Wade laughed. "Just kidding. I had Weasel hack into SHIELD and find out where you were."  
"_Great."_ Just what he needed, Deadpool breaking into SHIELD.  
Wade opened his arms. "Do I get a hello kiss?"  
Peter rolled his eyes and stepped close, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Welcome home."  
Deadpool pulled him tighter to him, and took off his mask, so that they could kiss properly. After a while, Spiderman broke the kiss, panting slightly.  
Wade pushed their foreheads together. "I missed you," he said. Then his hands trailed down to cup Peter's ass. "_This _part of you in particular."  
Peter slapped away his hands. "Yeah, I missed you too." He replied sarcastically.  
Deadpool pulled a face. "I really did miss you," he complained. Then he noticed the food on the bench, and sidestepped around Peter to grab one of the chip packets. "Mmm dip!" he said and opened the dip, and began to eat the Avengers snacks.  
"Hey!" Peter exclaimed. "Are you molesting me or stealing my food?"  
"Why not both?" Deadpool said, walking back and pulling Spidey close with one arm, while eating with the other.  
Spiderman made an annoyed noise and pushed him away. "Forget it."  
Deadpool gave him a sad look and stopped eating, closing the distance between them. "Aw Petey, I'm sorry, I didn't know my molesting meant so much to you."  
Peter glared at him. "Yeah, it's the highlight of my evening."  
Deadpool gave him an evil grin. "Good." His hands slipped into Peter's pants and Peter gasped in response. "It's the highlight of mine too." He kissed Peter again.  
Peter tried really hard to pull together some pretence of anger, but instead he moaned. Deadpool laughed and kissed his neck.  
"Sirs," JARVIS chimed in suddenly, and they jumped apart.  
"Yes JARVIS?" Peter asked embarrassedly.  
"Master Clint is in the elevator heading to you," the AI informed them.  
"Oh." Peter said. "Oh!" He looked around wildly, but Deadpool was already halfway out the window.  
"See you later Petey!" the mercenary said. "We can continue later."  
Peter cursed under his breath and jumped over the counter, so he was between it and the fridge. He reached into the chip bag and began eating, trying to seem casual.  
"Peter!" the drunk archer slurred. "There you are. We were getting worried. Hey!" he said, noticing what Peter was doing. "That dips mine!"  
Peter flushed. "Um sorry."  
"Should've known you were stealing our food." Clint muttered, reaching the counter and scraping the majority of the pile into his arms. "Bad Spider," he chided, then walked back to the elevator.  
"Bring that dip!"  
Peter laughed and grabbed the dip and the bag of chips. "Coming."  
Neither noticed the red figure in the window, watching them both with a smile.  
**_  
Nothing out of the ordinary…_**


	6. Money is what you want?

**A/n****: ****Sorry this took so long. I burnt my hand and it blistered (yuck) and that's not really the best motivator for writing. And then I had uni exams and then personal stuff and by the time I got through it all I had forgotten what it was I wanted to write, which was a shame because I definitely had something good, and this isn't any less good (of course) but it's slightly different than what I had planned. (Sorry for babbling)**

**Anyway, I've been looking forward to writing this. Also Miku is adorably cute when she sings this line (but somehow she's even cuter with the last two lines of the song) and I just adore this whole thing.**  
**Also Deadpool is a bit of a cutie.**

_**"M-money is what you want? I'll give you everything! Just spare my life!"**_

'I'm bored.'  
[Understandable]  
They were after all, alone in his bed. Peter was busy working or something. So poor little Wade was left all alone with the voices in his head.  
'Stupid Petey. Why does he have to work anyway? I could take care of him.'  
[Independence?]  
'Urgh, yuck.' Deadpool rolled over to his stomach. 'Can't even look at porn.'  
Not that there was a law forbidding it or anything, but once he started on porn, he began imagining Spidey instead, and it only ended up with him being more desperate than ever for his spandex clad lover.  
He moaned. Why did Peter have to work?  
In fact, why did Peter have to leave his sight at all?  
The question burned into his mind.  
Not literally, thank the writer, he added to himself. He'd had enough things burnt into him… There was a point to this he was sure.  
[Peter?]  
Right. Yes. It was time to finally confront him about this all.

It was midday when Deadpool tracked down Peter, sitting in a café. He was with two other girls, which flared Wade's jealousy.  
[Focus]  
Yes. He slipped into the chair across from Peter. The group stopped laughing. Wade ignored the twinge of self-conciousness. The weather had allowed him to bundle up, so there was no way they could notice his scars, he told himself. It was probably more the fact some random guy had walked up to their table, he assumed. He hadn't actually really had any interaction with 'Peter's' (Not Spidey's) friends. Something about him scaring them and normal lives and people who weren't jacked up on radiation, which Deadpool still had a bit of a problem with, but wasn't going to bring up now. He had more important things to focus on.  
"Peter," Wade said, leaning forward.  
Peter stared at him. "Wade."  
One of the girls coughed on her drink. "You mean, your boyfriend Wade?"  
Peter didn't look at her. "Is something wrong?" he asked Wade cautiously.  
Wade nodded. "You don't spend enough time with me."  
Deadpool watched as all the tension slipped out of his shoulders.  
"Time." He repeated flatly. "You came here, to say I don't spend enough time with you."  
Deadpool nodded. "You don't."  
The red haired girl sitting next to Peter gave a half-laugh. "It's going to be worse now."  
Deadpool looked at her, then looked back at Petey, his voice jumping up a scale. "Peter? What does she mean?"  
Peter looked around and stood up. "Let's walk."  
If that wasn't a reason to panic, he didn't know what was.  
Deadpool stood up, his fingers instinctively making their way to the hidden gun in his jacket – just in case.

They were on their second lap of the building before Wade finally decided to speak up. Peter had been looking anywhere but him the whole walk and Wade needed to know whether people needed to be shot or not.  
"What is it then?" Wade asked. "Are you dumping me?" The second question came out in a rush.  
Peter stopped suddenly and looked him over. Then he sighed and slipped his hand into Wade's, leaning against him lightly.  
Wade blinked. That was a good sign right?  
"I'm not dumping you," Peter told him. Wade's heart lifted, but he tried to play it cool.  
"That's good."  
"But…"  
And there was the plummeting. His hand tightened around Peter's and Peter's tightened in response.  
"It's just…" Peter bit his lip. "I'm getting another job."  
Wade stumbled. At first he felt deliriously happy – Peter was fine, they were fine, everything was fine. But then…  
"We won't be able to spend time together," he said in his saddest voice.  
Peter shook his head. "I know."  
"But… Why?"  
Peter sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Money's tight."  
Wade blinked twice.  
And then he slapped his free hand over his mouth to stop himself laughing.  
"This is serious," Peter protested. "Between studying and looking after Aunt May, and trying to maintain a 'normal' life and being," he whispered the last word, "Spiderman. I'm not getting enough money. I don't know how we'll pay the bills this month. I need another job."  
Wade blinked at him again. This was more ridiculous than anything he could come up with.  
After calming himself, Wade blurted out, "But I'm rich?"  
Peter gave him a stunned look. Out of all the replies he had been expecting, that hadn't been one of them. "Okay first, the place you live in is…" he searched for a politically correct term. "horrible."  
"I like it like that." Wade complained.  
"Second." Peter continued. "I'm not taking hand-outs."  
Wade stopped suddenly and pushed Peter against the closest wall. The few people walking gave them a look, but since there seemed no cause for alarm they ignored them.  
Peter breathed out slowly. "Wade?"  
Wade growled. "It wouldn't be a hand-out." He paused to collect himself. "You're my boyfriend."  
"That doesn't mean-"  
"We should move into together."  
"Huh?"  
"Yes," Wade said with a happy, slightly ecstatic tone. "We can move in. I'll buy us an apartment. No, an apartment building. No, a block! We can live in the penthouse and May can live on the floor underneath us and we can be a happy family."  
Peter pursued his lips. "What's going on?"  
"You're moving in with me," Wade said, pulling Peter away from the wall and wrapping his arm around his waist as they continued their walk. "I told you I was rich when we first met," he reminisced. "Wait, the reason you've been gone so much-"  
"I've been taking odd jobs," Peter said in a dazed voice. "Do you really want me to move in with you?"  
Wade nodded. "Yep. And I'll buy us food and stuff, so all your little working money can go to that aunt of yours!"  
Peter wasn't sure what was going on, but…  
"Wade."  
"Hmm?" the other man stopped his planning to give him a concerned look.  
"I love you."  
Wade chuckled and pulled him closer for a kiss. "You'll love me more when we move into the penthouse," he promised. "It's every spider's dream."

_**Money settled everything.**_

**A/n: ^^ By the way guys, I now have a tumblr - under the same name 'crimesofadeadpool' - It's a Marvel blog, just in case you wanted to check it out or send me prompts.**


	7. There's No One who can live

**_"There's no one who can live through my technique!"_**

When Peter woke up, he was alone. He rolled over onto his stomach and checked the clock. His brain didn't process much, except that it was past midnight and before reasonable waking hours. He groaned. "Wade?" he called softly. There was no response. It was their first night living together and Wade was gone. He didn't want to think about what that meant. He had enough stuff for a couples counsellor already. He shot a look toward their new bathroom. The lights were turned off, and there was no sound coming from there. He groaned again.  
"Wade!" he called, louder this time.  
"Petey!" came the delighted response from somewhere else in the apartment.  
Peter groaned once more and pulled himself to his feet, not bothering to fix himself in any way other than to pull up his pants. He had gone to bed half-naked and was hoping to return to it the same way, boyfriend in tow.

~

"What are you doing?" Peter asked, walking barefoot into their new kitchen.  
Wade gave him a grin. "Food!" he declared happily. He gestured around the kitchen. "Pancakes there, noodles there, roast chicken there, potato chips, fish fingers, seafood sticks, oysters," he rattled off a few more types of food until Peter held up his hand.  
"Why?" he asked, trying to shake away the sleep induced confusion.  
Deadpool tossed the apple that he was carving (seriously?) onto the bench. "Well," Deadpool began in his teasing way, "I wanted to make you breakfast in bed." He turned around, facing the mess of food. "But I wasn't sure what you'd want. I started with typical food," he babbled, "pancakes and stuff, then I thought, but maybe he'd prefer seafood so I did that," he waved to the seafood section, "But then I remembered how fit you are, and maybe you'd like something healthy." His shoulders slumped. "I'm a horrible boyfriend."  
Peter stifled a laugh and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Why are you making me breakfast in bed?"  
"Because it's our first night together," Wade said, moving so that they could kiss.  
"So you decided to raid our fridge?" Peter asked skeptically.  
Wade shook his head. "There's a 24-hour shop down the road." He shifted nervously.  
"Right." Peter said.  
"Aren't I charming?" Wade said. "I'm the most perfect boyfriend ever right?" He gave Peter a hopeful look.  
Peter knew that technically, yes, he should compliment Wade on his (almost frightening) dedication to the boyfriend routine. But he sorta wanted to play it out.  
He slipped away from Wade and began sampling the food, taking a bite from the fruit platter and a spoonful of soup.  
They were all, surprisingly, good. Wade had put a lot of effort into this, he thought, pleased. As he looked for a way to stall, a thought occurred to him.  
"Were you planning on waking me so that I could eat this?"  
Wade blinked. "Uh.."  
"Cos it would've gotten cold." Peter commented, not looking at him.  
Wade slumped. "Right."  
Peter shot him a grin. "It's good." And it was. It tasted fantastic. Which made him worry that Wade had kidnapped a chef or a cook or something and was making him cook for them.  
Wade perked up. "I took lessons."  
Peter froze. "Uh.. You took…cooking lessons?"  
Wade nodded.  
"For me? For… this?" he waved his hands.  
Wade nodded again.  
Peter blinked. "Did they…survive it? The teacher?"  
He winced trying to imagine Deadpool doing anything like that. Oh god, the explosions and the jokes and Wade telling everyone he was sleeping with Spiderman while the place went up into flames.  
Wade nodded again. "It was touch and go for a while," he added.  
Peter leant back against the counter and grabbed a fish finger, eating it as he contemplated the situation. Wade stood in the middle of the room nervously.  
"What gave you the idea?" Peter finally asked, swallowing the food and moving across the room to have a pancake.  
"Um." Wade's face scrunched up as he tried to remember. "Movies? I guess. Maybe a magazine or two." He shrugged. "Isn't this what everyone does?" he blinked, suddenly panicked. "This is what people do right? It's not just in fiction?!"  
"Hmm." Peter said, not really replying, instead moving once again to try another piece of fruit.  
Wade was still standing there awkwardly, waiting. Peter bit back a grin, but he could hear Aunt May chiding him for teasing the 'poor boy'.  
He finished off the piece of orange and wiped his hands on his pants before closing the distance between the two of them and pulling him into a sloppy food-tasting kiss.  
After they parted for air, Wade laughed, resting his head against Peter's. "You really like it?"  
Peter nodded. "I mean, you've destroyed the kitchen and put way too much effort into this. But it's nice. Perfect even."  
Wade chuckled and pulled him closer. "Good." Then his tone took on a lecherous tone. "That's code for 'my boyfriend has outdone himself in such a way that the only way to make up for it is perfect sex' right?"  
Peter pulled away and made a face as if he was seriously considering it. "I would…"  
Wade's face lit up.  
"But we need to eat this stuff." Peter continued. "and put away the stuff that can't be eaten now." He shook his head. "God knows if we have enough space for it all."  
Wade pulled a face. "And then?"  
"We'll see." Peter promised with a smile. Then he walked over to a bench and picked up a bowl. "Noodles?" he offered.  
Wade smiled back and took the bowl. "Don't mind if I do." He twirled the spoon around and waved it in Peter's face. "Open up."  
Peter grinned and bit at the spoon.  
Wade made a pained noise.  
"You know I'm going to make you cook a lot more now," Peter commented.  
"Better make it worth my while then," Wade replied with a grin.

**_There seriously wasn't anyone who could…_**


End file.
